What are our expectations of each other or should we have any? Is it just better to look at the moments we have with each other as pockets of momentary bliss? Do we expect to much of one another?? Should we expect that when we call, e-mail or text our friends that they respond?? Is it too “clingy” or “needy”? Where do we draw lines at what is an expectation, and what is a natural state of “being”? I know I am asking a lot of questions but I am seeking lots of answers. I have learned that friendship it is different for a myriad of people. However, there are those main ingredients in all relationships that many of us falter on. Many fall short and I have learned your “friends” will blame you for their inadequacies. They will remove you from their “fav five” and move on. When we make friends should we tell them that we have expectations or should we not have any at all and hope that what we get is worth keeping? I am learning to not expect anyone to be anything but who they are. It is easier to just cultivate the real friends I have and love the others from afar. I can only try to live up to my expectations that I sought in others and pray I am doing a good job AND try to learn from my mistakes as well as from others. I have had almost a year of being in the “wilderness”, being alone... at times feels like jail. This has been a time of reflection, a time of aloneness that I did not expect (there goes that word again). I have had expectations of people that may be selfish, but at the same time realistic so I do dot give in to half-heartedness. So finally, the last question I have asked myself is “do I expect too much?” and the answer is...”hell no”, I will not be sorry for wanting my friends to be in my corner, to care about me, to say “hello” or make an effort, for me, those are not expectations those are main ingredients!
Good.
ReplyDeleteYou are who you are and that is all that matters. Everyone wants to feel loved and thought of so .... no... you are not expecting too much from your friends, at least I don't think so!
ReplyDeleteI know we all have things going on in our lives that keep us busy and apart but you know I will always love you.
And I will be better with my own efforts to show you ;)
wow, this is amazing! u have said what i have been thinking for far soo long. i too feel the same way Gordon. and often times i find myself falling short because i "expect" so much out of those that only gives me 10% in return. being away from everyone and everything i know (army/overseas) has brought a lot to my attention and as made me look in the mirror a lot deeper. im growing more and more each day and know that im a work in progress. i thank God im not where i was mentally and physically past tense and im growing stronger physically/mentally daily future wise. this by far as touch me the most because i expect alot from people when i really shouldnt. thanks Gordon! ur da bomb!!!! jenkins :)
ReplyDeleteI been asking these questions for quite sometime now, I feel I been in the wilderness all my life sometimes. God is quickly showing me that friends develop truly through adversity...it is through adversity that we find our true friends. But we also have to accept that even those people we hold so dear will hurt us in some way....sometimes unaware of it. We expect what we give and when you give a lot you expect to receive the same in return. Your expectations are main ingredients that not many savor the taste of as you do. Many times the moments we are looking for friends is when God is looking for us. Thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts Tiff...it is very refreshing and therapeutic. I pray your continued strength and you know I always have love for you sis.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog, inspirational and encouraging for the rest of us who will be following suit someday, living 12 months away from family and friends, 3 or 2 years away from home and what expectations awaits us, more or less whats around the corner. I use to put certain friends on pedal stools depending on how long we have known each other, etc etc. But as we grow older with grey hair we learn, gain, lose, cry, laugh and sometimes fight the very same people because of how high that pedal stood . Its human nature and we all at sometimes will fall short on things. Thanks Gordon. Love ya and keep writing.xxxx
ReplyDeleteWow this really hit home!! Sorry for the late response, we having assessment at school, aghhhhhh! LOL!! Anyway....I was just "whinning" lol, to James over the weekend about my so-called friends and how they made me feel at our annual Secret Santa get-together and some other recent incidents. I found myself saying, "I just want to move already so that I don't HAVE TO really speak to them. Meanwhile I have friends all over the world that I speak to daily. LOL!! On the bright side my honey and I have become better friends and better lovers. Is it because I have out grown them? Have they out grown me? At the end of our discussion I declared that many times in our lives our friends or people in general will never do for you what you do for them.
ReplyDeleteAs I sat and read your post I started to reflect on how my mom use "drop" friends in a second and never really look back(well from what I could see, not sure how she felt inside). I never understood it, but as I get older I am realizing friendship is definitely give and take. I have also discovered that it is okay to, as you said: "love from afar" or as James says: "deal with them from arms length".
I say all this to say: No I do not think you, we or I are expecting too much. At the end of the day feelings are involved and we have the right to protect our feelings.
Sorry for writing so much, really was therapy for me today, even shed a tear reflecting on certain friends, both good and bad. Thank you for sharing with me!! Most of all thank you for being always supporting me and for being more than a friend, you are a role model in so many ways! I hope we never out grow each other(if that is what is happening with my other friends). MUAH!!
I will respond to this post as a person that's awful with keeping in touch. I'm guilty of this and I'm not going to apologize because tomorrow I will do the same. I think of my friends and long for their active presence in my life yet I don't reach out. One of my personal growth goals is to be more balanced in how I live each day. I've joined facebook as a first step in keeping in touch more often. Yet that forum doesn't feel as authentic as a phone call. Until I make keeping in touch a habit, I respectfully say, know that I love you and think of you despite my absence in your life. Yesenia
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