In the Morning...

I am waking in my dream and were nothing is what it seems

Everything is quiet at first, then I hear, my eyes are open but I can’t see

Voices become clearer from the room next to me

I am a little confused and disoriented, where am I?

Then it hits me...I am AWAKE! Oh hell and I am still in Iraq!

Me dream quickly fades away and I already forgot what it is about

I inhale, exhale, close my eyes already attempting to drown out

the voices

Decisions decisions...do I work out now or later?

Later...definitely later.

Walking to breakfast? Nope, I will eat cereal!

Five more minutes I need five more minutes...but I have to pee.

I sigh, pull myself up, slip on my Crocs and open the door and close my eyes

I am not ready for the sun yet, my eyes are slits as I stumble to the bathroom

Praying all the way that I do not run into the darn T-Walls or Hesco Berries as Brownie would say...dang I miss Brownie

I finally make it to the latrine...for you humans that is code for “bathroom”

For over 200 days now I have urinated standing up

Some bitches are nasty

I am still not fully awake and at 0600 it is already approaching 100 degrees

About 25 percent of the energy I do not even have yet is depleted

The sun took it and ran away

I wash my hands, I FINALLY open my eyes look at myself Smile and say

“Hello luuvaah, let’s make this money, Momma want’s a new Gucci bag!”

I Love My People?

On a good day you can tolerate them

Hell they are all you got, you need them

Damn they get on your last nerve don’t they?

They will have your back in a tight squeeze

Bust a head to the white meat if folks talk about you

Then turn around and do the same thing

“Who the hell you talking to?”

“I’m talking to you!”

“Boo, I’m just playing!!, I love you too!”

Flip Flop, back, back forth and forth

Can’t stand they ass, can’t get away from the past

In a instant you wonder how you came from the same tree

Am I you? Are you me? Who are we?

We don’t have to like them, love them in Jesus name only.

Save yourself heartache, don’t feel sorrow, what will be will be

Damn they get on my last nerve

I love them though.

Don’t want them to live with me, they gots-ta-go

Feel obligated, so we tolerated and just get fustrated

Who are you? Are you me? Am I you?

I have known you all my life and I have no idea who you are

I am sure of one thing, I will love you from afar

Who are we? Family.

Short and Sweet

knock knock

whose there?

me

me who?

me wan-go home.

Ramblings of my love...

Tiffany Gordon

Wife 4 life

3: I love you

3: I dream you

3: I need you...

I have been alone with nothing but my own thoughts for over FOR-TY minutes and all I have wanted to write was how much I love you and I am thankful for your intimacy and delicacy with my heart. I dream when I am awake...of us, and it is always in color, the only black and white is you and me, no demons, no darkness, just love, embracing, love making, joy. My skin is sensitive to your touch only, butterflies dance in my stomach, I smile even as I write this...reminiscing about you and me. You keep me strong, with each heart beat, it is to the sound of your name. Our first time was my last time, I wish I knew, to document the scene, in my mind is only you and me... Thank you for changing your history and letting me in, you never tried to rewrite me and you let me be who I be. I wouldn’t want to laugh over some “nigga-pie” with anyone but you. I only want to write new chapters with you, create new music to our sound and dance to our rhythm. Your patience is unparalleled, your sweetness is my weakness, I drink you in and now I am always drunk!! Now I lay me down to sleep and thank him, for you. I am so glad that I didn’t have to ride off from Ma V’s yelling “watch our for ya son!” ...

and the oscar goes to...

I am a terrific actor.

i get up and look at myself and act like i am ok with how my hair looks

i walk to work and smile, salute and laugh when i really want to cry

on a good day i dont have to act and i do not have to pretend to be listening

most days are good, but when i need to act, i can fuckin' act

i am a good damn actor

i act like i am listening but i stare at the wall

i act like i am engaged but your voice just gets lower and lower

i practice conversations before they happen so i do not have to think

i am tired of thinking, “what if?” and “when?”

i do not know the future but i know i am a fabulous actor

i won’t allow myself a minute of being alone with my thoughts because a monster creeps in

i dream in color in the dark, but never remember anything but the colors

i take a deep breath, smile and open the door and walk outside

time to start pretending...one day closer to being home again.

In the dark....

Some moments are foreign to me, outside of myself

Cannot convey with emotions or feelings... it is non-descriptive, well at least not with one word

Not joy, not pain, intense, fear, love, hate...just silence

A void, a space where smiles should be

A part of me is missing

I find it impossible to keep my eyes closed

that is when the devil visits me

That is where peace should be

When I open my eyes I feel an emptiness

I put in my earphones wanting for love to fill my head

all the lyrics feel wrong, just space, then just words I wish I wrote

I lay here and wonder if God is listening or just tired of the same prayers

I ask, am I be cursed, to feel so deeply?

I can use all the words to describe what is missing

but not what is here in front of me

As I form words nothing spills from my mouth

I can see them in my head moving through a tunnel

I go to write and I nothing is making sense

There in that tunnel is a light, I can see it but seem to never reach it

I am tired of walking towards it

I guess I better start running ! I am good at that...

R & R

Milano, Italy

Barcelona, Spain

Well the posting of pics is not going so well and the Internet here is BEYOND bad, and I am increasingly getting frustrated, so I will leave this post short and sweet! We had a wonderful time and I saw beauty all around me. If you spend another moment on this earth without planning a trip abroad, please do not waste another second! There is so much more than our little slice of the pie, so much more than Iraq, more than New York...I love our country, but I see God in all these places not just our continent. I pray that you all get to experience such joy and see some our world, it is simply amazing and breathtakingly beautiful...