Expectations.

What are our expectations of each other or should we have any? Is it just better to look at the moments we have with each other as pockets of momentary bliss? Do we expect to much of one another?? Should we expect that when we call, e-mail or text our friends that they respond?? Is it too “clingy” or “needy”? Where do we draw lines at what is an expectation, and what is a natural state of “being”? I know I am asking a lot of questions but I am seeking lots of answers. I have learned that friendship it is different for a myriad of people. However, there are those main ingredients in all relationships that many of us falter on. Many fall short and I have learned your “friends” will blame you for their inadequacies. They will remove you from their “fav five” and move on. When we make friends should we tell them that we have expectations or should we not have any at all and hope that what we get is worth keeping? I am learning to not expect anyone to be anything but who they are. It is easier to just cultivate the real friends I have and love the others from afar. I can only try to live up to my expectations that I sought in others and pray I am doing a good job AND try to learn from my mistakes as well as from others. I have had almost a year of being in the “wilderness”, being alone... at times feels like jail. This has been a time of reflection, a time of aloneness that I did not expect (there goes that word again). I have had expectations of people that may be selfish, but at the same time realistic so I do dot give in to half-heartedness. So finally, the last question I have asked myself is “do I expect too much?” and the answer is...”hell no”, I will not be sorry for wanting my friends to be in my corner, to care about me, to say “hello” or make an effort, for me, those are not expectations those are main ingredients!

Maryann & Jinjaah

Thank you for being my friend. My BFFL. My rock. Thank you for listening to me cry when I know you didn’t understand half of what I said. Thank you for trusting me to love your children. Thank you for listening to me complain. You are the reason that I still believe in friendship. You are the one. I am forever grateful for you. You have given me gift of beauty wrapped in three. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for never leaving me. Thank you for doing what you say you are going to do. You know me. Some of my favorite memories are with you. I appreciate you loving me for me, that can be tough. :0) I am a better person because of you. You make me want to be a better wife, mother and friend. Thank you for letting me watch what I want on TV, for watching my precious Hop even though he has Horrifying breathe. Thank you for not sleeping with my husband (that seems to be a trend of BFF’s) LOL and thank you for trusting me around yours. I have never seen my future were there is no you and I can not imagine my life with no you! You are the truth. If I had an all girl singing group I would never make you sing back-up all the time. Your an amazing woman, wife and mother. Thank you for being you. I love you more than all the memory on every computer in the entire world (including the memory cards)!!

The First Time...

The first time ever I saw your face... I thought the sun rose in your eyes. I was moved to tears. You took my breathe away, my pain ceased, there was just serenity in that space where there was no you. I knew and felt the meaning of “you had me at hello”. I am now responsible for a new life, the beginning of joy. Little hands and feet that will brush against my face, the sweet smell of you. My Love...and the first time ever I lay with you...I am scared to hurt you, crush you, break you. How have I lived this long with no you, a piece of me was broken not knowing when you would come. We will cherish you, put you first, we will be selfless to keep you safe...songs will be written about you, poems dedicated to you and pictures created with your image. The first time I ever saw your face was in my dreams, it was the one I will never forget. I can close my eyes and replay the sight of you in my arms, at my breast, smiling. I am mesmerized by the tiny you God has created in his image. I am in love again, I need two hearts, it won’t all fit. First time ever I saw your face I melt away, I forget that I thought it would never happen, that I thought I was cursed, that I ached for you ever day. You smell sweet, better than fresh baked chocolate chips or macaroni and cheese, your the new Thanksgiving, my Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. The first time I ever saw your face I said Thank you God ... for trusting me take care of your child.