What do I want to be when I grow up?

Ask yourself the tough questions and you will be afraid of the answers.  What is my next step?  Too much time on your hands allows for too many seconds ticking by in your ear. It is as if you actually hear the seconds of your life vanish.  One fleeting moments that makes up all of the fleeting moments of your life. There are the moments that are exhilarating and you feel blessed to have time to begin to create the life you have allowed to slip away with those seconds. Then in creeps the unimaginable fear that you will end up back in the same spot you were in - mired in regret... You feel there is a mad dash you have to run to make up the “un-make-up-able” time and get back moments that you recall yourself vividly “fucking up”.  Then you panic and start to feel like no matter what you do, people will not take you seriously because who actually waits 37 years to find themselves.  When in fact many people are not living they are existing, they are feeding their families, taking care of everyone else and forgetting that you cannot do this again, “this” being life, you only have one.  The you, your, they, is I, me, Tiffany.  I am trying to relinquish all fear and all doubt to open up to what I need to do to be the best me.  The sheer fact is in order to succeed at life means not relying on those you think you should and  just doing what you need to do.  It means asking the questions that you will be afraid to answer...starting with “what do I want to be when I grow up?”

Here's another throw back Janae and I wrote this I actually typed it on a typewriter LOL, it is amazing how much we thought we knew about "love"... over 18 years later and I, we are still trying to figure it out!  I am so glad that I have grown as a writer and as a person, and I am even more happy that Janae and I are still friends! Love you girl! 

Verse 1

As much as I'd like to say that I love and that I want you to stay

Baby you know I never wanted it to end this way

I can't imagine life without you

Never a day would our love stray

My feelings for you they run straight through

Like blood through my veins or air through my lungs

With you is where my heart belongs

At the start deep down in my heart

I began to give into this, and let you get through

How can I tell you I think I am falling in love with you 

How can I tell you I'm living for your touch, your sweet and sexy voice it means so much

Chorus

Because you are the air I breathe

Your are my everything but I am scared to let you leave

You have taken over my soul, my mind and body you control

I don't know what I'll do without your love

We fit together like a hand and a glove

I Love you oh, I do baby love you so

When were together I find myself loving you more and more

It's you boy that I adore

Verse 2

At the beginning I had my doubts

I thought sexin me is all you were about 

Then you took me to love

And I didn't want to come back 

A place of ecstasy is where my loved reached it's climax

I want to know if I'm touching you the same way you touch me

When we make love it's like chocolate melting in my mouth

And you know you taste so damn sweet

Baby how can something so good for me not be a treat

You make me sing you are my everything

Chorus

Because you are the air I breathe

Your are my everything but I am scared to let you leave

You have taken over my soul, my mind and body you control

I don't know what I'll do without your love

We fit together like a hand and a glove

I Love you oh, I do baby love you so

When were together I find myself loving you more and more

It's you boy that I adore

Bridge

What would I do if I lost your love

Baby tell me would that hand still need that glove

What would I do if I couldn't see you any more

Your love would I still adore

What if I said all those times if felt so right

In those weird spontaneous times of the night

Written By:

Janae Davis 

Tiffany George (Maiden name LOL)

I was cleaning and found some songs that my BFF from high school and I wrote. Even many moons ago music was in my heart and I thought one day Mary J. or Mariah would sing one of my songs... so I wanted to share one of them I am not sure of the exact year but I was about 17 when I wrote this (I think) and I used the word I or I'll many times, even then I thought I could be superwoman in a relationship...

It’s been so long since I’ve been touched by love

I’ve forgotten what it’s caress feels like

All I know is when I rest my head and go to sleep at night

It is you I see behind my eyes

Everything happened so fast, the way I feel for you

Once you walked through the door I knew that what I felt was new

You made me shudder with no touch

I went crazy wanting you so much

No mans made me feel so sure, I know I want just what you’ve got

Baby the ball is in your court so please don’t miss this shot

We’d be so good together, no one can give you what I’ve got

We’d be so good together, I’ll love you from now and never stop

We’d be so good together, I’ll take away all of your fears

We’d be so good together, my loves so good It’ll bring you to tears

We’d be so good...

From one day to the next is filled with visions of you

I just wish that those dreams where reality of us two 

You can tell me anything and whisper all your fantasies

We can do everything, I’ll fulfill all your hopes and dreams

Just tell me where it hurts and I’ll kiss it

If your hearts been broken I’ll put it back together I’ll fix it

Your more than what I want, you’re what I need and so much more

My hearts been through so much pain It’s time it got picked up off the floor

We’d be so good together, no one can give you what I’ve got

We’d be so good together, I’ll love you from now and never stop

We’d be so good together, I’ll take away all of your fears

We’d be so good together, my loves so good It’ll bring you to tears

We’d be so good...

Lately when I’m breathing out comes your name

Since your fresh air blew in my life things just haven’t been the same

I never thought I’d find all I want in one man but I’ve found them in you

Just tell me what you want cause I know that I want you 

I want you to just tell me you want me too

cause we’d...

...be so good together, no one can give you what I’ve got

We’d be so good together, I’ll love you from now and never stop

We’d be so good together, I’ll take away all of your fears

We’d be so good together, my loves so good It’ll bring you to tears

We’d be so good...

Today is the 23rd and I felt like writing but couldn't think of what I wanted to write so I picked 23 things people do not know about me... 

I am seriously a hopeless romantic.  Sappy love stories make me smile on the inside even if I look hard on the outside.

 I opened my car door and hit the car next to me by mistake and left a small mark...four days ago, and I am pretty sure I said “hello” to the woman whose car it was as she left the post office.

 When I say something, then walk away and hear laughing, I think people are laughing at me.

 There are people I am only nice to because I do not want to be alone.

 I do not like stupid conversations with stupid people.  It makes me extremely angry.

 I have been so exhausted in the morning that I secretly wish I would fall just so I do not have to keep running during PT (Phsyical Training for you civilians).

 I feel ashamed when I drink alcohol around my daughter, for some reason I feel like she is judging me.

 Sometimes when I am making lunch for myself, I do not want to because I do not feel like making lunch for anyone else.

 I am terrified that having a baby will change my marriage.

 I do not feel good about being part of a process that changes the future of a soldier forever.

 I HATE going to baby showers (I love you moms).

 If people around me are not happy it has a profound effect on me.

 I love little people so much because they are brutally honest and adult are usually liars.

 In some ways I feel like when Rev Williams spoke the words to us, “you will never be blessed”, it worked.

 I am so competitive at times I do not care who loses.

 I do not think my husband likes doing photo shoots with me.

 I have started about five books and haven’t finished reading any of them.

 I want to write music.

 I care about what happens to people, even if I cannot stand them.

 I think that people that post on Facebook, Twitter or any form of social media all day long are extremely annoying.

 I wish I had given birth to Mecca Gordon.

I have so many clothes that I look at pictures and do not know where  certain items are or even remember having them.

I am terrified about starting over again...

How have I gone this long...I have missed being in this space!

I have thought about what I want to say and it has overwhelmed my brain for so long that  instead of something, I did nothing

I will never leave you again

My words found a home here and I abandoned it, left it without an occupant, vacant

I have instead filled my head and heart with it's contents and I need to release

I can't sleep and the words are filling up in me

They come in the form of love, pain, anger, relief...peace

Today I will start over, share a part of me and try to spread a little love in between

I will be me and no one else...ready, set, GO!

Black and Mild

Black and Mild

Cool breeze after 90 degrees

Rain washing away my strain

He's gone for a couple of days, just me

until a little after three

Precious moments alone usually not comforting

I am afraid of being alone, more time to think

It's a quiet storm and it's washing away the stink

I read my book and I am able to concentrate

I watch the palm trees blow in the breeze

I start to feel something creep up in me

This weather make me want him in between my knees

For the first time in days I feel so deliciously at ease

No work, no chatter incessantly

Hennessy, Hot Tamales, no electricity...just me

Remember Me...

Remember me? I am the one you promised to love and cherish

It’s me who inspired two hundred love letters in one year

The one for whom you vowed to perish

Did you forget that I am the one who faithfully waited for you

I am still here, the one who would go down for you

Remember me? The one who bled for you

Did you forget the promises the promises made to me

Did you seek to drain me dry and test your lies

I am clean of trust and dirty from the pain

I remember the dream of you and me

Remember me? I am the one you lied to

It’s me, not the one who you desired

The one for whom you broke in her moment of need

Did you forget that I am the one who breathes for you

Remember me, for you I will die everyday

Remember this... on my knees, drunk from envy and unclean from her touch

Remember me? The one in the cold with you

Did you forget the promises the promises made to me

Did you seek to drain me dry and test your lies

I am clean of trust and dirty from the pain

I remember the dream of you and me

It has always been me, here testing the theory of perfection

trusting that God will make us whole

Remember me, “black love”

Remember me, my first oral fixation

I am here where are you?

Why wont you love me...the way I need to be loved?

Remember me?